Friday, June 21, 2013

The Evolutionary Committee: Plant Edition

"Okay, so Clive has decided to go with a light, pleasant scent in order to attract bees for pollination. Some would call that a safe strategy, but I for one applaud his decision to place survival over this newfangled need to appear innovative. Mabel, I understand they've started calling you 'the corpse flower,' so I hope you're happy."

"My odor brings all the flies to the yard, George, and they're like, 'I'll pollinate yours.'"

"Todd, have you come up with a solution for your soil quality problem?"

"I'm going to murder animals so that they'll rot on my roots."

"Todd, you're a plant. Get it together and come up with something reasonable by Friday. Now I think we can take a five minute - Jesus Christ, Mabel, how can stand to smell yourself?"

"I could teach you, but I'd have to charge."

"Puya chilensis... uses its sharp spines to snare and trap sheep and other animals, which slowly starve to death. The animals then decay at the base of the plant, acting as a fertiliser." (source: BBC)

1 comment:

  1. Please either immediately write a full short story utilizing these characters or write a plant biology textbook in these voices to share with the world.

    Because, seriously? And brava!