Monday, April 11, 2011

New Career Path

I think I'll be a Life Coach.

I can't quite figure out what exactly a Life Coach does, but I think mostly it involves telling people you're a Life Coach, and then picking up the money they throw at you.

You design yourself a logo that is both Serious and Fun, get yourself some cute letterhead and a few life-sized posters of yourself looking both Serious and Fun, and then you have weekend workshops where people sit around with clipboards and write down everything you say. That sounds like a good plan, because I don't always remember everything I say, and it would be nice to have some record of it.

I think you might also get to insult people and get away with it, because you are a Life Coach and they are paying you to coach their lives. And that involves telling them that the decision to put themselves in a pair of jeggings that morning was a bad one, and for Heaven's sake sit up straight and eat those peas.

Do jeggings come in pairs? They're barely enough to be considered ONE thing, nevermind the fact that I don't think it should really be 'a pair of pants,' because you're never just going to wear one pant. I mean, you could put just one pant leg on, but then the other one would be flapping along behind, so you'd still be wearing both pant legs. The word 'pair' clearly implies something that can be separated and still be functional. Pair of earrings. Pair of socks.

If you only wore one pant leg on your leg and sewed the ankle of the other one up, you could keep things in it like swords, umbrellas, or oranges.


BRB. Gotta go make a fortune on Etsy. Watch this. It's from my original workout playlist, and it still gets me moving.

Execution Song, by Swedish rock duo Johnossi.

Edit: I should warn you that occasionally there is a "bad word" in the lyrics. Since my grandmother called today to complain about the fact that my brother's voicemail was just terrible, had I heard it? And I called and it made me laugh.

"The Verizon wireless voicemail box for 'One Cool Mutha-f**ker' is full. Please try your call again later."

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