Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Reality Ramble

I've been watching this show called America's Next Great Restaurant, despite (or because) the fact that it has Bobby Flay playing host in it - next to Steve Ells, founder of Chipotle. It's hysterical, watching Steve get more and more pissed off every time Bobby mangles his company's name, which is every 15 minutes or so because they're clearly looking for 'the next Chipotle' and aren't even trying to hide that fact.

Side note: has anyone ever been to Chipotle? I know there's one off Battleground across the parking lot from Brixx, but Brixx has lactose free cheese on barbecue sauce-pineapple-red onion pizzas, so I've never even considered going across the parking lot. I mean, I've parked in front of it a couple of times.

Steve Ells is the star of the show. Dude is a beast. Except not literally, because literally he's this nerd in big, square glasses who, to borrow one of my favorite descriptions of Spencer Reid ever, "looks like a pipe cleaner with eyes." But he gets shit done, man. He plows through the contestants and doesn't even bother hiding his ever-growing contempt for the entire thing.

I actually almost applied to be on that show, because I do have my idea for a restaurant that I'm sitting on, but it wouldn't work well as a chain and I don't like the idea of 'fast casual' dining - are you sitting down or are you scarfing it on your way out the door? Decide.

I'm glad I didn't, because then I would have had to meet Bobby Flay, and that would have gone something like this.

Me: "Why are you in a field where you have to speak a lot if you clearly have a speech impediment you are embarrassed about?"
Bobby Flay: "We will not be investing in your concept."
Me: "No, but really. I can hear that they dubbed you in post. How many vocal takes did you have to do to get that one?"
Bobby Flay: "That means you have been eliminated from this competition."
Me: "I got that. Explain to me why you use chipotle peppers in your cooking so much if you can't say it?"
Bobby Flay: "Security, please remove this contestant."
Me (being dragged out the door): "You could just say, 'smoked jalapenos!' People would understand!"

This is why I'll never make it in Hollywood.

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