So much for leaving the house early... damn the jorts.

So, I'm sitting here cutting these jeans into shorts.

I bought them at Goodwill for $5 specifically for this purpose, so you can't judge me for destroying perfectly good pants. For one, they're longs. Have you ever seen me? Regular pants qualify as longs on me. I got very excited when I found out that certain brands of jeans manufactured 'shorts' because it meant that I wouldn't have to take my new pants to my grandma to get hemmed anymore.

For two, as whole jeans the blinding whiteness was too overwhelming. You can kinda see what I mean in this picture of the final (pre-washed) results:

They were practically acid washed. I won't do that to my whole legs, but jean shorts are kind of an unfashion statement on me anyways, so I'm ok with that. Jeans have pockets and I want pockets. People wear Crocs because they're comfortable, obviously not because they look good.

Also check out my wavy excuse for a hemline. That's after three tries. I've learned from this exercise that I can't really cut a straight line, even with a guide. But I got it done in the end.

This picture also illustrates the hilarious circumstances that have been occurring lately when it's over 75 and humid and I Absolutely Cannot Stand To Wear A Shirt While Running. Me and my low self-esteem have kept my midriff entirely out of the sun for its entire life.

To help you understand what I mean, here is that same picture, captioned:

I would like to apologize to any member of the general public who might be unexpectedly blinded by my blazing white stomach. By the end of the summer, I'm hoping that it might stop looking like I maintain a secret identity as a mime.