Once upon a time, I faithfully kept a Twitter account. I no longer do so, but it's still there (@NurseApathy) and I used this website to come up with some new tweets for you. And I think they're ROFL funny.
"Lord High Protector Kate-itron. And then he died. And Evangeline Prime. Does it exists."
"Your posture - I had no weapons, neither will be awkward? Having sex and for sale."
"Is there so you say 'Aunt Jemima' fast enough for 7 years. 7 years. 7 years have rights."
"March is EDIBLE! This is a forest hippopotamus, maybe. OH!"
"A fake plant. But not why Chaucer doesn't disown me feel great about being Tiger's Secret Lesbian Affair."
"Aw, poor Kato. Oh, Prometheus, please help me up. Oh how I just had thrown it was just burn YOURSELF?"
"Had another baby step towards TOTAL DOMINATION. I feel great about yourself. This parade coverage blows."